* Confidential to Mr. 49th Ward Alderman:

Posted by Aaron at 6:57 AM

Yes, I know the run-off election is coming up. I know what date it is, too. So you can stop stop calling me, stop sending me letters in the mail and stop accosting me at the Morse Ave L stop. I GET IT. REALLY. STOP NOW!! I MEAN IT!!! SHUT UP, AWREADY! If you think your harrassment is going to endear you to me when it's time to cast my vote between two equally unpalatable candidates, well, the clue train is on its way down your track right now. *WOO WOO! HERE COMES THE CHOO-CHOO!*

And not just you, but your army of drudges, too. Yes, this means YOU, Cindy B.; I saw your name flash on my caller ID last night, which is why I did not pick up. I'd already received your letter, in which you express your excitement about our incumbent and how you'd do everything but lick whipped cream off of him. So I figure there was nothing else left for you to tell me, since I don't know you personally. Plus, you called at 9:00 PM, which might be the hip, acceptable urban thing, but I dislike talking to relative strangers on the phone at that hour unless I have to call the Poison Control Center or something. So don't call me again unless you want a gift of used kitty litter at your front door (and I know your address since you so thoughtfully put it on the letter you sent). This is not an idle threat--don't f*ck with me, lady.

Happy Friday, everyone!