Tuesday, October 7, 2008

49th Ward Remedial Voting Instructions

One of These Things is NOT Like the Other!

49th Ward voters, educate yourselves! With less than one month to the next election, dear neighbors, it's not too soon to briefly review our voting procedures. Make sure YOUR vote counts: KNOW HOW TO VOTE!




Above: Paper ballot marker
  • Note the brown barrel, the removable cap, pocket clip, and the sharp, black tip.
  • Notice how this pen writes black.
Below: Touchscreen stylus
  • Note the gayly colored fluorescent yellow barrel and the rounded, bright orange tip.
  • Notice how no mark is left when you try to "write" with it.
Can you tell which is which? If not, you may be color-blind, or dumb, or Democratic committeeman, or all of the above, but in any case, if you can't tell the difference, please DON'T remember to register to vote today - you're not qualified.
Special Announcement for 49th Ward Voters

The Chicago Board of Elections Commissioners has released this special bulletin to 49th Ward voters: no invisible ink or magic pens are in use this year in any precinct. Please make a note of it.
The exuberant color scheme for the touchscreen styli, new for November, 2008, is an innovation designed specifically to address a vulnerability discovered in Chicago voting procedures encountered in February, 2008, exclusively in the precincts of 49th Ward Democratic Committeeman David Fagus and his legion of appointed election judges. The February, 2008 styli were WAY too close to a cheap Bic pen for certain citizens and political flunkies in the 49th Ward. The utter cluelessness of Fagus and his goons was well beyond the field conditions anticipated by the Board of Elections in their extensive testing of their procedures. Thanks, David!

Actual Item


Fagus will be remembered as the only Chicago ward committeeman to be the butt of a joke on Jay Leno. No word from the Board on what replacing tens of thousands of styli cost taxpayers. These festive styli and the upcoming federal take-over of the Cook County prisons will be Fagus' enduring legacy.

7 comments:

Craig Gernhardt said...

We should have an honorary sign proclaiming Amy Carlton, the most gullible voter in American history lives here.

Razldazlrr said...

Good God - that's frightening!

Isaac Marshall said...

according to one account, there are 120 million registered voters in this country.

I would bet .5% or 600,000 would be just as gullible.

just look at all the voters who re-elect the same old politicians.

Mark Fletcher said...

So how do I get some tickets for the Hatebloggers Ball?

Hate! Hate! Hate!

Edgewater Crime Blotter said...

It's strictly invitation only, mark. You should be so lucky.

Tom Mannis said...

Well, I know why you asked that question Craig, you need to know before you go to vote so you know which to pick up from the voters table - yeah, we know, you're a dumb ass, just like me.

Big Daddy said...

IMHO, ALL of the voters in Crook County and the City of Shitcago are gullible. How else can you explain the continual re-election of some of the most corrupt and incompetent people alive? Unless they are stealing the elections. And it's not confined to your ward and alderman Joe Moore. It's everywhere. Ever talk to an alderman besides Joe Moore? Ever talk to or really listen to mayor daley and the other knuckle head, todd stroger, President of the Crook County Board? They are embarrassing. But yet the voters will re-elect them time and time again. We are the laughing stock of the nation!

'Broken Heart' Past Blogs